October 5, 2010

Winding Path

Well, my trek through the forest has led me far away from where I expected to be. We recently relocated to the other side of the state where I know nobody and have very minimal knowledge about the surrounding area. It has been a bit overwhelming.

This change has been good in many ways, though. The past few months have been a blur of chaos and despondency that found me unable to write more than a few words at a time. I am hoping that the new location will help me regain my inspiration so that I can revisit my writing projects, and perhaps even complete the book I have been working on for some time now.

May 16, 2010

Home Sweet Home

Oh, to be by the side of the ocean waves every day. To wake to the sweet smell of salty water. To hear the calling sirens of the crashing waves. Were it possible, this is where I would be. It matters not what shore I roam, as long as the water is near. As long as I can gaze upon the ever changing roll of the seas, my heart and soul are at rest. Alas, it is but a short respite that I take at water's edge to restore my soul before returning to the barren lands of where I reside.

April 28, 2010

Tea Party Time

I has a sad.

I'm having a birthday party - Tea Party - for my youngest child. My sister is refusing to come because my brother will be there. Seriously? How old are you? It is quite irritating. Frankly, I'm not surprised. She's never been to any of my kids' parties. This time, though, she's placing the excuse squarely on the knowledge that my brother will be there and she can't possibly make nice for the short 2 hours that the party will last.

I swear. What is one to do when adults behave more like the children than the children?

April 13, 2010

Finding Motivation

I've been lethargic over the past few months. I haven't had energy or motivation to do anything. It's difficult to have a list of things to be done when there is no energy for doing.

I took a week off away from the babies and my husband. I took my teenager out of town - just me and him - for a week in Washington D.C. The trip was good for me. It was difficult because this was the longest time I've spent away from my girls. I was away from them for a full week. I missed them terribly. I recognize, however, that the time away has helped me to recharge and regain a bit of focus. Marisa is almost 4 years old and I've been caring for her and Kira basically full time for the past four years. I have a day or two off here and there, but never more than two days at a time. The week off was good for all of us.

Coming home was good, too, though. It's always nice to return home after a few days of being away. I missed my husband. I missed my cats. I missed my bed. (Well - maybe not my bed so much. The bed at the hotel was very nice and had piles and piles of cushiony pillows that I didn't have to share with anybody...)

Even though the week did not go quite as planned, the time was well spent and the Mom returned feeling refreshed and in a more positive state of mind.

March 16, 2010

Family Crap

  Today's post is brought to you by my recent Facebook Interaction. 

For the players: Shaunalynn - is meself

                           Celena - is my sister

                            Tammy - is Angel's biological mother

                           Randall - is my husband

                           Angel - is my oldest child who just turned 20

I have deleted the last names and the FB avatars to avoid any identifying information being posted here, just to be sure nobody can come back and file any kinds of lawsuit. 



Shaunalynn My oldest child just turned 20... Sigh... (At least I still have one baby left.)

Yesterday at 1:14am · ·

You have a 20 year old child? I never saw you give birth to that child. You would have been 16 at the time....I remember my brother having that child, and I helped to take care of her. So, don't you mean you have a niece?
Yesterday at 2:08am · 
Good for you.

You may have a 20 year old niece.

I have a 20 year old daughter.
Yesterday at 2:10am ·
You have a 20 year old niece that YOU call daughter.
Yesterday at 2:10am ·
You don't have to like it...

In the words of Janet .... You'll get over it - or die unhappy.
Yesterday at 2:13am ·
I have no problem with it. But you give the impression that you have taken care of this child all of her life, and that simply isn't true. HER father wouldn't take care of her, and her mother was living with a predator... So in essence you have been the only positive role model the child has had. Upon reading your old posts I find that you don't ... See Morelike your family too much. I guess that includes me... But in your words, you will get over it or die unhappy. You can call her daughter, but don't insinuate that she is actually yours because she's not. She couldn't have been adopted without her mothers consent.... which leads me to believe no adoption took place. Correct me if I'm wrong... She has two parents... Two very sorry parents.... And then she has you... I think it's good that you took her in and got her out of DFACS system and gave her a stable life... YAY YOU! That wasn't a bad thing... It's your actions that speak louder than words Shauna
Yesterday at 2:21am ·
Feel better now?

You're not "outing" me. Everybody who knows me knows the whole story.
Yesterday at 2:24am ·
My intention was never to out you. My intention was simply to make you understand that while she no longer has a father, she still has a mother. Randall gets to play daddy and I think that's great. She needs people in her life that she knows she can depend on...While she cannot depend on her mother, she depends on her other mother, which would be ... See Moreyou. I just don't like the fact that you are claiming to be her mother when you aren't. And that's fact. YOU ARE NOT HER MOTHER, you ARE her OTHER MOTHER... Big difference.
Yesterday at 2:29am ·
we are both here mother cause were are the only one that she can count on and through here child hood and my only child who i lover much just turn 20 year old and we have the best time every when we are togerther
Yesterday at 5:22am ·
Thank you Tammy! That was what I was trying to convey to her. Did you sign adoption papers for them to adopt her??
Yesterday at 5:24am ·
no i did not sign any thing
Yesterday at 5:27am ·
Well, let me tell ya something, do you realize they adopted Angel? That's what Shauna says. I told her that you would had to have signed over all parental rights for that to happen... Thank you for the clarification.
Yesterday at 5:28am ·
Tammy - What's your work schedule this weekend? I'll be picking up Angel and Dakota on Friday and bringing her home for the weekend. Yay... I miss our girl.
Yesterday at 8:35am ·
What? You aren't going to justify your adoption statement? I was waiting on a " I didn't say that " or some elaborate story of WHY you said that when it wasn't true. I at least expected you to defend yourself, but in lies there is no defense. In the words of Donald Trump, You have just been trumped! ( Outed )
Yesterday at 9:00am ·
Celena - Go be drama queen somewhere else.

Tammy is well aware that I tell people that Angel is adopted. It's far easier than explaining the entire story.

Tammy is also well aware that I think of Angel as my own daughter. In fact, I would imagine that Tammy is grateful that I think of Angel as my own child and have treated Angel no different than I would have treated any of my own children instead of treating her like a step-child or a burden. ... See More

Guess what - Tammy and I actually communicate, and have been doing so since Angel came to live with me.
Yesterday at 9:08am ·
Funny. I had a conversation with her this morning. She had NO CLUE you were saying you have adopted her...She was shocked, and frankly, I would be too. She did acknowledge that both of you are Angels mother though.... I'm not causing drama, I'm putting holier than thou in her place because holier than thou lies about things that she shouldn't even ... See Morebe saying, and NO Tammy DID NOT KNOW you were going around saying Angel was adopted.... Now stop acting like you are the better of the two of us... What? You can dish it out to me and put me down but you can't handle it when I dish it back to you for a very valid cause? Whiney...
Yesterday at 9:12am ·
Whatever makes you happy...
Yesterday at 9:15am ·
What would make me happy is for you to admit that you lied. Nothing more, and nothing less... But you DID lie, and I'd like to hear you say you lied... but that will never happen. You have too much pride for that.
Yesterday at 9:49am ·
It must be a sad life when your happiness depends on making other people unhappy.
Yesterday at 6:22pm ·
Upon thinking about your answer, you told ME you adopted Angel, yet, I already knew what had happened. You didn't have to lie to me because I already knew. Yet you chose to lie to me anyway. Why? You say it's just easier than explaining the situation, there again, I already knew the situation. So why lie to me? You defense doesn't make sense.
Yesterday at 7:35pm ·
Yes Randall. I do believe it must be.

I was married to somebody like that once... Miserable 2 years ...
about an hour ago ·

March 8, 2010

Welcome Spring

I love warmer weather, when it's not too cold to be outside and not too hot to be outside. I love being able to hang out at the park and let the kids play. I love the gentle breeze and the healing warmth of the sun that is present at this perfect time of year - before the sun is so strong and hot that even a few minutes is enough to make me run for cover. It's awesome.

Welcome Spring!

February 15, 2010

Let It Snow...

We had snow this weekend. We actually had about 4 inches of snow here. We RARELY ever get decent snow. The snow rolled in on Friday and now it's gone. It was here for the weekend - perfect for playing with the kids - and gone by the time we were all getting restless.

I remember how much fun we had playing in the snow when we were kids. Watching my girls playing in the snow and having snowball fights was a true delight. It brightened my mood, which has been considerably dark for the past two weeks. I'm still fighting with this overwhelming feeling of impending doom, but the weekend made things better.

I wish there were some way to prevent these episodes of darkness. As of yet, I haven't found any way to avoid them. I can fight them now - which is something I could not do just a few years ago. It gets tiring, though.

January 24, 2010

Scrapbook Event

Life is settling down a bit now that the holidays are past. There is no upcoming events that require attention at this moment.

Yesterday, I attended an all day scrapbooking event in hopes of getting some much needed work done on my big project. I managed to complete 18 pages yesterday, which is majorly awesome. I also learned a few lessons to put to use for the next all day event I attend.

1) There is no need to bring everything with me. This is especially true if the demonstrator is bringing all of her stuff and making it all available for everybody to use.

2) Keep your goals in check. I had hoped to complete the entire book yesterday. I was a bit disappointed to walk out of there with 15 pages left to be done. However, when I stopped to consider that I finished 18 pages - I had to admit that the day was productive.

3) Don't lose sight of having fun. The whole idea is to compare notes and enjoy the company of like minded people. Make it a point to say hi to the people you don't already know.

4) Be prepared for crazy things to happen. We were interrupted more than once by random people wandering into our rented space just to find out what we were doing. I even managed to get hit on by some guy who used the "curious to know what all these ladies are doing" line to make an excuse to come in the room. My Stampin'Up demonstrator was amazed and asked - after he walked out - "was he just hitting on you? cause that's what it sounded like to me..." 

We've decided that we will be doing this event every quarter. Now I'm looking forward to the next all day event and finishing up those remaining 15 pages.

January 9, 2010


The holidays are now well behind us, but the aftermath is still lingering. I'm still tired. The house is still in a state of chaos. (Oh wait - the house is always in a state of chaos. I can't blame that on the holidays.) There is the essence of change on the horizon.

We are preparing to enroll Kira in riding lessons in March. She loves horses so much that it is a natural option for her. Her physical therapist said that riding would be good for her hips, too, because it would force her legs into a position that would allow stretching of certain muscles and make her legs stronger. We have not told Kira about riding lessons, nor will we until the day comes to begin. I have a rule here that I try to adhere to as strictly as possible. **Never tell the kids what you plan to do too far in advance just in case something happens that prevents you from doing what you had intended. If they don't know what was planned, they won't be disappointed.** Surprising them with special events is much better for my peace of mind, too. After all, if we tell her that she will be starting riding lessons in March, every day will begin and end with "how much longer" and "I can't wait" - to the point of driving me insane. (More so than I already am...)

For Marisa, we are just following along with her natural personality. Her education is definitely taking a different path than Kira's. Her interests are just so completely different and her focus is not quite the same, either. Five minutes is about the maximum amount of time I can guarantee for any bit of instruction before she's off and running again. She has taken a liking to reading time, though. For a long time we wondered if she would ever sit still long enough to enjoy having a book read to her.

As I mentioned before, change is definitely in the air. My husband is throwing him self full scale into the search for a new job. He is exploring every possible option, which could definitely mean a series of exciting adventures for the whole family. This next year should be most interesting...