November 30, 2009


I'm cold. This may seem like a normal way of being considering the time of year, but this is the first time in over five years that I have actually been cold. My body temperature was elevated for the past few years due to pregnancies and hormonal irregularities. I was always burning up. I slept with a fan blowing all night, much to my husband's displeasure. He endured. Now, I'm freezing. It takes me hours to get warm at night, even with piles of blankets to snuggle under.


I've even considered the possibility of adding to our family just so I can be warm again. (OK - not really...)

November 23, 2009


It's that time of year again. Another round of holidays to be faced and conquered. This year feels different, though. I'm not so anxious. I'm not so restless. I've barely even realized that it is holiday time again.

The past year has been a time of growing and moving for me. I'm no longer bound by the pain of the past in the way I have been before. I'm no longer waiting for my "family" to get their act together. My focus is more on my own children and their holiday experiences.

Perhaps my grieving is over now.

November 12, 2009

Chicken Soup

I spent last night awake through most of the night reading a book that I picked up at the thrift store a few weeks back. It's one of the Chicken Soup books. Admittedly, I've never actually read an entire Chicken Soup book. I love opening them in the stores to a random story and reading just one or two of the entries. For some reason, though, I just couldn't stop reading this one last night.

I read and cried. I cried and read. Until 4 in the morning I devoured the pages and took comfort in many of those heart warming stories.

My husband tossed and turned all night, possibly because my light was on and possibly because our 5 yr old was in our bed due to an unsettling dry cough that had her feeling needy. Every now and then through the night he would open his eyes and ask if I was planning to sleep at all. By now he knows my body's rhythm and knows that I often spend entire nights awake. Every now and then, Kira would open her eyes and smile at me when she found that I was looking right at her. She may never realize that I always knew when to look at her because she would begin to stir just moments before opening her eyes. In her mind, she will think that I spent the entire night watching over her without ever taking my eyes away.

Maybe one day my girls will write their own entries for one of those Chicken Soup books. Lord knows I give them plenty to write about...

November 6, 2009

Check it out...

I have a new published article. I would love it if you would check it out. Read it. Like it. Stumble it. Twitter it. Yada yada yada.

Ten Things a Woman Should Never Apologize For