Exhaustion

Being tired is just horrible. Sometimes exhaustion can overtake everything. It's hard to function when sleep is missing. With the stress in our house, nobody has been sleeping well these past few days. The kids are still stressed over Daddy being sick, even though he is home from the hospital. I'm stressed over trying to take care of everybody and everything. It's hard to watch my husband be in so much pain and so uncomfortable when there is absolutely nothing I can do to help him.

I suppose this has been a very sobering experience for him. He is unaccustomed to pain or sickness beyond anything as simple as a cold. I know how hard this is because I've had pain for the past four years. I started seeing a chiropractor last July and my pain level is almost nonexistent now, but prior to that I was in constant pain all day and all night so I fully understand how difficult it can be to have so much pain and be unable to function because of it.

Until now he never understood what I was going through these past few years. He said he understood and made all the right noises, but he didn't REALLY understand. I can't deny that I'm pleased that he is finally beginning to see what my world has been like, but I hate that he has to go through this in order to fully comprehend the reasons why things were so out of control for me. I would have preferred that he would just know what it was like instead of having to live through this in order to have that certain appreciation for my ordeal.

I really hope this part of his illness passes quickly. It's very difficult for all of us to adjust to the demands and realities of this mysterious disease. The medical field named this disease "Stills Disease" after the person who made the discovery. I think the name is very telling because my husband spends most of his time these days trying to be very still so he doesn't cause himself anymore pain. Get it - being still - Stills Disease... yeah, bad joke. I know.