Strange Dreams

I didn't sleep well last night. It was another late night for me. I finally managed to drift off to sleep around 4:00 this morning. The girls woke me just before 8:00. Just before Kira came up to the bed, I was having the most interesting dream. I can't really explain the entire situation in my dream, but I spent a good bit of time floating instead of walking.

There were crowds of people around me, as though I were there entertainer. I could clearly see those people who were harmful to me. I easily withdrew those people from the crowd and removed them from my presence in a way that was not angry or harsh, only final.

I am very tired today. It feels as though I spent the entire bit of sleep working through this scenario of being above the crowds and seeing the harmful entities. Yet I'm also strangely light today. I can't say that I feel refreshed. I could really use a few more hours of sleep.

I can still call up memories of last night's dream. I know I could spend hours analyzing just what it means. My brain isn't quite functioning today, though, so I have to leave this to fading memories and impressions.

Busy Me

This next week is going to be such an exciting time for me. I have so much going on.

First, I get to see my daughter and grandson tomorrow. It's a long drive, but I enjoy spending time with them so it is worth it.

This weekend is the South East Homeschool Expo. I'm going on Friday and Saturday. My mother-in-law is coming with me. My husband is not terribly interested in the chaos of conventions, so I invited his mom to come along instead. I've perused the class schedules and decided which sessions I want to sit in on and which speakers I plan to hit up for their class notes because I was unable to attend their session. What I'm really excited about, though, is the exhibits. All these companies come and set up booths with their products and services represented. Most of them give away FREE stuff. That's what I'm really all excited about. Of course, I've browsed the list of exhibitors and determined that there are a few that I want to learn more about. This is my very first home school convention, but I know that the key to success is having a plan and not allowing yourself to be overwhelmed by the sheer volume of people and events.

I can't leave it at the convention, though. My fun and excitement carries into next week, too. My friend Toni is coming to town on Monday and staying for three whole days. Granted, she has to work on Tuesday and Wednesday, but I'm picking her up at the airport on Monday and spending the evening with her. Then I'll be spending Tuesday evening with her, too. She'll get to spend time with me and my girls. I met Toni through blogging. She was one of my very first readers. She even trusted me enough to allow me to help her set up some of the things on her website, The Mind of a Mom. Well, it was at a different location back then... but still. I've got to cover my car in American flags so she'll know how to find me since we've never actually met in person. (Yes, Toni, I'm really going to have flags on my car... I promise...)

You might think that my fun stops when I return Toni to the airport on Wednesday. (at least I think I'm taking her back to the airport...)

Oh no!!! Not at all.

You see, Tuesday is our 6th wedding anniversary. Six long years of being married... (really - it has been six years since we said our vows - honest.) It's amazing to me to stop and think that we've really been married that long. It doesn't seem as though it could be possible. I have children to prove that it has, indeed, been a length of time. It doesn't feel like it, though. Randall and I have been together for eleven years already and married for six of those years. WOW!!!

(Don't worry, Toni. He's in court all week next week so he won't even get home until nearly 8:00 each night because he goes for a run after work.)

All that was to bring you to the weekend following my dear friend's departure.

Randall and I are going camping. We leave Thursday morning to head to the North Georgia mountains WITHOUT the girls.

YUP!!! Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday --- just us in a tent in the woods. Yippee!!!

The next two weeks are going to be so awesome!!!

Reverence

My thoughts today have been focused on a conversation I had with a lady a few weeks ago regarding the topic of church. It's an odd moment of contemplation that just seems to be stuck with me for some reason.

A few months ago, my husband and I found a church that we absolutely love. This in itself is a miracle, as we had both grown weary of the process of "going to church" and dealing with "church people." We visited this church in hopes to find a place where our children could interact with their peers. What we found was a family that took us in and wrapped us in a warmth and kindness that neither of us has ever experienced within a church organization before.

A few weeks back, I met this lady at DAC Kids and started talking to her about our great discovery of a church family that truly does care about each other and the world around them. One of her main concerns was the atmosphere of the service. I explained to her that our church is very casual with their attire and worship. The focus is on the family, the learning, and the worship. There is little concern for what those in attendance may be wearing (as long as they are actually dressed). I explained that we even encourage having a cup of coffee and eating doughnuts, as though you were visiting with a dear friend. In fact, there's a committee that provides the doughnuts and coffee for everybody. (There weren't any chocolate doughnuts this morning. That was VERY disappointing...)

Her response to this was that she and her husband felt like there needed to be some level of reverence within a worship service. Our church's approach was probably far too casual for her tastes.

I could never fault her for her preferences with regard to this aspect of worship, but today I've had this thought of reverence stuck in my head. Mind you, this conversation took place several weeks ago, and just now the idea of maintaining a certain level of reverence within the church building has embedded itself into my brain. I decided to define this word for my own personal education.

REVERENCE:

-- noun

1) a feeling or attitude of deep respect tinged with awe

2) the outward manifestation of this feeling

3) a gesture indicative of deep respect

-- verb

1) to regard or treat with reverence

Hmm. This wasn't very helpful. It seems that reverence is all tangled up in this other word - respect. So what does this new word mean? Well, of course I have an idea of what these words actually mean, but I'm still going to get the definition just to see if what I think it means is what it really means.

RESPECT: (there are a LOT of different definitions for this word, so I'll just list those that are intended as verb usage because that's what fits.)

-- verb

1) to hold in esteem or honor

2) to show regard or consideration for

3) to refrain from intruding on or inerfering with

4) to relate or have reference to

Now that I have these definitions clearly in my mind, I can go forward with my thoughts and try to work out what this constant pricking in my brain is.

This lady explained to me that she felt there should be a certain level reverence in the place of worship. To her, this reverance would manifest in a state of dress and behavior. She held a specific vision for how the time spent inside the walls of the church was supposed to be spent. This is not terribly uncommon. Many people feel that they must dress a certain way and behave a certain way when attending church. I'm not in disagreement with the concept of dressing up for church or maintaining a certain level of decorum for worship service. I simply prefer a more casual approach. This isn't about being right or wrong.

Here's where my thoughts have been wandering today with relation to reverence and decorum within the church building.

I am the church.

If what I wear to the service within the walls of the building is of importance, should I also be expected to adhere to this same attire when I am outside the walls of the church? After all, if God is concerned with my state of dress for two hours on Sunday, is He not also concerned with my state of dress for the other hours when I am not inside the church building?

Is it better for me to stay home in pants and a t-shirt instead of degrading the sanctity of the church building with my inappropriate attire? What does reverence and respect have to do with my clothing?

It seems to me that the only concern for what I wear would come from other people, not from God. Certainly God would prefer me to spend time with his people, within a family that will hold me up when I am too tired to carry on.

I am the church.

If I am to lower my voice within the confines of the church and speak softly in order to show respect for God, then shall I always maintain a lowered voice and soft speech? Where, then, shall I lift my voice in praise and raise a joyful noise?

I am the church.

The church is not a building. This is something I've known for many years.

God sees what I choose to wear every day. If He is not offended by my choice of clothing on Monday, then why would He be offended by my choice of clothing on Sunday?

God hears how I speak. If He is not offended by my tone of voice on Monday, then why would He be offended by my tone of voice on Sunday?

If God is unconcerned with these minor details, why should anybody else be bothered by what I wear or how I choose to worship? (As Pastor Howard would say... "Who gives a rip...")

---

I still come back to this thought of reverence.

I definitely stand in awe of God and His wonders. Small miracles surround me every day, and I wonder sometimes why He would even take the time to attend to such minor issues.

The not-so-silent plea from a 4 year old child, wishing with all her heart that just one tiny little butterfly would find her worthy enough to serve as a momentary perch was blessed with two butterflies.

The first butterfly was a bit of a surprise because it lit on Kira's arm when she had finally given up on ever having a butterfly land on her. Luckily, it stuck around long enough for a bit of a photo shoot.




The second butterfly seemed to be so completely enamored with Kira that it took my breath away. This Blue Morpho butterfly crawled around on Kira's arm for more than ten minutes. The creature was never even startled with the fidgety movements of my little girl.

There was no other explanation except that God sent this butterfly to bless my child and answer her heart's prayer for a touch of magic.



In that brief span of time, as Iwatched my child interact with this beautiful butterfly, I experienced more awe and respect for the power of God than I have ever felt inside the walls of the church building.

The building is, indeed, just a building in which the power and glory of God is not confined.

Related Article:

Butterflies Everywhere

Try Try Again

I'm at it again. I managed to get to the insurance office. Now that I'm back home, I've laid the little monsters (ahem - sweet angels) in my bed in hopes of a nap. Seriously, they are both so grumpy today that they NEED a nap.

Well, while I force a bit of rest upon them, I have hooked up the DDR again. Today's endeavors have been far more successful. I've managed to complete the first 3 sections of the first lesson without really hurting. I stopped to take some Tylenol as a precautionary measure in hopes of enduring the trauma for a bit longer than would otherwise be possible. I just felt the need to report that even after just one session I'm already feeling stronger. My stamina is definitely better today than it was yesterday.

I'll continue to use the Lessons as a way to track my progress. Eventually, when I feel like I can handle more, I will move on and play the training mode or the game mode. For now, though, I am content to practice with the lessons and let my muscles remember how they are supposed to work.

Need To

I am so tired today. I need to drive to the insurance office to pay our insurance bill. I just don't want to take the time to do that. I don't really have a choice, as the bill has to be paid today, but it's such a hassle to pack the kids up and drive to the office - get them all out of the car and take them in - pack them into the car again and bring them back home. It's tedious. It's irritating. Maybe I'll call and pay over the phone instead. I don't like doing it that way, but perhaps...

What Was I Thinking?

I have no idea why I thought it was a good idea. I tried it once at a teen party that we were having for our church youth group and decided that I really needed to buy one for myself. Now that I have it, all I can say is this:

OW! OW! OW! OW!

With that being said, I still think it was probably a good idea. After all, I'm seriously out of shape and this might help me be motivated to get my act together.

My DDR Max came today!!!

For those that don't know, that's Dance Dance Revolution Max. This promises to provide me with a really good workout - if I can ever manage to endure more than five minutes worth of practice.

What WAS I thinking???

Fifteen Years Ago

Well, I've survived the 15th birthday. Gibson, of course, seems terribly unconcerned about this particular milestone in his life. I have found myself remembering where I was in my own life fifteen years ago when Gibson was just making his way into this world. (I'm so glad I never had to repeat that weekend...)

Aloneness

I'm feeling very sad and alone right now. Usually I'm okay being alone. Usually I desire a few moments to be alone. Right now though, I am unhappy with my aloneness. My family is out of the country for a wedding that I was unable to attend due to the expense. My husband, his mother, and his stepmother have all gone to attend his brother's wedding. They left on Monday and will return on Sunday. I've handled this all pretty well until today. Today I am sad. I miss my family. I miss my husband. I often take for granted just how much I depend on his presence to keep me calm and sane. I sometimes forget that he is my anchor in a crazed world that demands far too much of me. Right now I just want him to be here with me so I won't have to be so alone.

I'm not real sure why the sadness has hit me so hard today. Perhaps it is because I am so tired from the demands from the girls. Usually there is somebody here to lean on when I feel overwhelmed by their neediness. When my husband is working, his mother and stepmother are always nearby to lend a hand. I don't usually spend so many consecutive days with both the girls. They typically have dates with one Grandma or the other, leaving me with a bit of time to recharge. Right now my emotional and physical stores are completely depleted.

I look forward to Sunday evening when they all come back home to me. I know the girls will be pleased, too.

July

Today is the first day of July.

Can somebody please tell me how this happened?



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